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| I got married... |
| 04.29.04 (6:55 am) |
[i]So this is the new year,
and I don't feel any different...[/i]
-Death Cab for Cutie
So, I got married on April 17th. It was, truly, a supernaturally amazing experience. To be quite honest, I fully expected the day to be an anti-climax. Since we got engaged in May '03, not a day went by when we weren't planning every little nuance of the wedding. I'd thought about it so much that I didn't think it could possibly live up to the hype. So many things in life are hyped so greatly (movies, millenia, etc.) that, upon taking place, cannot possibly be greater than the buzz that preceded them.
Not so with getting married. The day was amazingly, wonderfully surreal. The weather was perfect, the surroundings were perfect, and Kate looked perfect. It blew my mind; here I was, a guy from Ohio, standing under a palm tree in California, getting married to my best friend. What strange and wonderful twists of fate had led me to that time and place! I looked out into the crowd and there were family and friends from all different eras of my life. At the rehearsal the night before, it occurred to me that I had a great, wonderful, special story to tell about a time that I spent with each person there. The wedding was a ceremony honoring the entire sum of our lives, as well as one commemorating our union. I felt so fortunate; so rich, and so alive.
There are two times in most peoples's lives when people gather in such numbers on their behalf. One is a wedding, and the other is a funeral. I wanted to frame this perfect day when everyone I cared about was there, surrounding me, happy, and in good health. There we were, all of us, in the prime of our lives, and it was good. The reverend performing our ceremony said: "in marriage we are delivered from our aloneness." That has been reverberating in my head ever since. To be delivered from aloneness, forever, is a priceless gift. I truly wish this experience for all of my family and friends who would wish to have it...marriage, so far, is wonderful.
Anyway, being married, for me, doesn't feel a whole lot different for now...am I supposed to? I remember every year on my birthday my mom would ask: "so, do you feel older?" and I'd always wonder what that was supposed to feel like. Later, I'd realize that I didn't feel older at the time, but eventually it got to a point where I did, in fact, feel older. I mean, when I was 18, I didn't still feel 13. So, I think "feeling married" will be pretty much the same. One morning we'll wake up on our 10th anniversary or whatever and it will dawn on us that, hey, we've been at this for awhile! For now, though, our routine is pretty much the same as it has been.
For some reason I think I'll feel more married when more friends of ours are married...I know that sounds funny, but it seems that way for me. It's funny, I think a lot of those guys from college are in shock because now one of their OWN GUYS took the plunge, thereby opening the door for everyone else...it's no longer just the province of older relatives, etc., but something that might actually happen to them soon.
But, you know, it's kind of weird being the first ones to get married, in that a lot of our friends are still stoking the embers of their college glory days. For so long everyone was on the same track in the same place, and now everyone is conquering life on their own terms...it's neat and interesting and sometimes tragic to watch. But there are a good handful of weddings coming up among us, and I am genuinely excited for these friends of mine. I hope that they have the same perfect experience that I had. Also, I am sure that marriage is in the not-too-distant future for some others, and for them I am preemptively glad.
They, too, will be delivered from aloneness. It's a beautiful thing.
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posted by: Shark99
post date: 04.29.04 (7:04 am)
Married, congratulations! I don't know, being the third wheel, I'm used to being on the sidelines. I can date anybody i want to, I can spend money on useless crap, and I can take off whenever I want to. Still, the bed does get lonely, and I have nobody to complain to about life issues. :)
posted by: ScubaDiva
post date: 04.29.04 (7:07 am)
Congrats are in order. I just hope you've focused more on the marriage than the actual wedding.
Too many people nowadays focus on the event - which is only one day - instead of the rest of their lives.
posted by: J
post date: 04.29.04 (7:24 am)
congrats, truley :)
posted by: VHolley
post date: 04.29.04 (7:25 am)
Congrats. I too got married April 17th, 2004!!! And I got married in San Diego, CA..except the weather was not perfect :(
posted by: Ironwolf8766
post date: 04.29.04 (7:27 am)
Congratulations.
posted by: islandArtist
post date: 04.29.04 (7:32 am)
Getting married didn't feel different to me either. I guess that is how you know you made the best choice possible. Congratulations!
posted by: mblog
post date: 04.29.04 (9:18 am)
In life, we go through a lot of milestones. We have birthdays, graduations, marriages, and anniversaries. But the milestones are not the events. They are the recognition of events that occur over long periods of time.
When you turn 18, you are not much different from the day before. But you are considerably different from a few years before, and in a decade, you can look back and see how adulthood is significantly different from childhood. When you graduate, you need to compare what you know now to what you knew before entering school, not what you knew the day before you got the diploma.
Marriage is the same way. It's not the wedding day that ultimately defines the difference in your life. It's the marriage as a whole. In a few years, when you look back at married life, you will find that it's much different from single life and the contrast will be there.
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