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| Adventures in Misanthropy |
| 01.12.04 (10:24 am) |
Quick: who is dumber? Britney Spears or Pete Rose?
In the latest installment of the Teen Queen Stupidity Sweepstakes, Britney and a childhood friend (Jason Allen Alexander) got married in Vegas and then, once they sobered up, had to get an anulment! Now, there is a large part of me that thinks that the girl was just acting her age. I mean, look, if you've been to college, you know how out of hand things get...people start drinking, and you wake up and think "my god, what have I done?" I keep picturing Spears and her friend waking up, rolling over, and doing the McCaulay Culkin "Home Alone" scream at one another. Or maybe he was already in the kitchen making breakfast when she emerged from her stupor...we may never know the truth. And this undoubtedly qualifies as the most expensive Walk of Shame in the history of the phenomenon. Doing stupid stuff like this is part of growing up...I guess. If you are a pop superstar, you have a greater propensity for finding yourself in these predicaments because you have the economic means (and the requisite mental disconnect with common sense) to do so. I keep thinking to myself that if Jessica Simpson weren't already married, she would probably be the next to suffer the mishap of a shotgun wedding. Now that the bar in the Sweepstakes has been raised, what will she do to one-up Britney? As for Jason Allen Alexander, it seems that he's already poised to rake in some quickie cash from the incident; my guess is in the long run he ends up as nothing more than an answer in the Arts and Entertainment section of a Trivial Pursuit card.
Enough has been said about Pete Rose to last a lifetime, but since I'm a Reds fan people often ask me what I think. Here is what I think: he is a shallow, narcissistic coward who betrayed the game that gave him so much. He strung baseball and the public along for 14 years, insisting his innocence, and only now, with a book deal on the line, does he say "well, I lied." You know what's worse than one lie? Another lie to cover the previous lie. And on top of that, profiteering from your liarship. Most of us are taught certain universal virtues when we grow up. Chief among those are honesty and integrity. We live in a world where liars are being exposed all the time (see: Enron) but it seems that if you are a sports hero, you get a free pass (see Simpson, O.J.).
We as a society need to love our heroes: no one who rooted for Pete to break Ty Cobb's record in 1985 wants to have that time in history tarnished. We as human beings must become emotionally involved in something that we feel is larger than ourselves; and today, sports heroes and entertainers serve much the same purpose as the protagonists in African folktales or Greek Myths. We need our world to be larger and better than our own self-perceived smallness, and we need that world to be peopled by those who posess capabilities that most of us could only dream of having. Pete Rose is one of these people. And apparently, this status meant nothing to him.
Just as we need to love our heroes, we need to hate them. We are jealous of their perceived immortality and cannot resist the spectacle of a falling star. We crave bad news and find reassurance in the misfortune of others. Watch the evening news. Pick a night, any night, you'll see what I mean. When others take a fall, we find relief: at least the things that keep us up at night aren't that bad. Our heroes are extensions of our own self-conscious and identity. We find find inspiration in their triumph and reassurance in their failure.
Pete Rose has failed. He has failed the game of baseball and those who cherish it. And he has failed himself. Sure, he has gained sustained notoriety by his banishment and subsequent shenanigans, and he will gain financially from his book. But on his last day, what will he have really gained? What will he have lost? Paul Molitor and Dennis Eckersley have just been enshrined in the Hall of Fame for careers that, while distinguished, do not come close to that of Pete Rose. They are immortal; Rose is not, nor should he ever be. His actions should only further basball's resolve to keep him at bay.
Mortal sins should not be compensated with immortal rewards. Prometheus was punished for stealing fire from the gods. We should respond in kind when the gods steal fire from us.
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